It is noted that a Christian man, once he has and has been embraced and confirmed in the Holy Spirit, cannot dream of a secular life. Even fiction, the realm of the imagination without the bounds of physics, reality, and super-reality, becomes invaded by this Greater Truth. For me, I cannot dream nor create great epics spanning universes, realities, cultures, and humanities without inserting a God which wouldn't allow for such fantasies. This is not to say that God is prohibiting me from dreaming these fictions – much in the same way that the misconception of Christianity's being a limiting ideal, this thought is simply a misconception, requiring another perception of the same issue.
As a Christian, God makes me cheerful. Nothing makes me more ecstatic than making Him proud. Unfortunately, it is this love for Him that poisons my fiction. I cannot write a humanist piece without a God that follows His example. Furthermore, there's no radical fiction I can formulate about Him, because He already created it. I feel at times when I attempt to create fiction, I come to three blockages:
God: I need to insert Him into all my pieces. I feel awful writing secular pieces, because I have a God who gives me the ability to write it. If you had a wealthy benefactor who gives you every second of your life, everything you own, everything you are, wouldn't you mention an archetype of Him in your pieces? There's a book series out, starting with Dragon Spell, which contains a character who follows God's archetype. He is a Jesus character who is all-powerful, yet unboastful in his power. The first book ends with his victory, and the book tries to set up a sequel. Yet as soon as his character entered the story, I knew the story was doomed. How can there be suspense when there's a God character? I never read the other books, because I knew the God archetype had to be nullified in order to create suspense, and that though made a bad feeling in my gut. God's omniscience and omnipotence instantly ruins a suspenseful dialogue.
“But Blancs,” you may say, “The gospels were a horror story before Christ resurrected!” Yes, they were. But then He was raised to life. There's no suspense in that story now because the end of the story is known before you understand the build up. Any story with God, now, ruins itself on the entrance of Him, because we all expect Him to be victorious instantly. I could kill God, but then that would be slapping my benefactor in the face. I’m not bout to insult my God like that.
Pride: my fictions have me as the protagonist, because I know myself, and I can easily explain my character. The problem with this is when I make myself exalted, thus pre-empting God in my imagination. It's a problem I’ve had in life, and it's transferring to my fiction.
God vs. Secularism: God's love is an amazing story. Writing about anything less seems anticlimactic.
I’d do everything in my power to rephrase this, but I see no other conclusion: my love relationship with God is poisoning my imagination. I cannot think of anything but Him. I want to, I have so many amazing stories dreamt in my youth, though I cannot recreate those in lieu of the Glory I recognize now. My poetry is excelling, though I am still excited for my old fictions. The Lost Lord of Cutre'ton, an old fiction of mine, is considered my greatest work in my eyes.
I pray for a reconciliation with my God, so that I may write these fictions to His glory.