Today, I speak of an interesting interest of mine. I recently came to terms with this, and I'm not sure if it's beneficial to me or not.
Today, I go to Dnow 2012, a local Christian event hosted by Fellowship Bible Church (which has a high school which my school makes a sport, literally, of beating in almost everything). I am anticipating this extremely. I talked before about how sound waves trigger great emotional responses from me. The louder the world around me is, the more I hear God, and in silence I hear a strange person I call Nothing. No whisper of Christ comes to me in silence, but no matter what I hear, I am assured God is nearer when the decibel range spikes.
This makes me a retreat junkie. Ever since I went on Bigstuf 2011, I realized this penchant for connecting to my deity through noise. When I went to Passion 2012, the voice of God was amplified forty-four-thousand-fold. I crave such loudness. At a battle of the bands at Mount Pisgah UMC, I would stand next to the speakers and be deafened. I could hear Him through this assault on my eardrums, and I enjoyed it immensely. I get closer to him when my world is louder.
This begs the question: is this wrong? The bible talks consistently of us being quiet, and God making all the noise. I'm sure there are several parts where it speaks of the followers of Christ proclaiming loudly the Word of God, though I always saw the “still small voice of our Redeemer” as something hallowed and rare. I'm sure the Bible never speaks of people seeking out the loudest parts of the world with the intent of hearing God. You don't hear anyone blasting their eardrums out to hear their savior; such a statement surely sounds stranger than sitting in a quiet room listening for him.
Another question: am I just rigging myself to believe God is speaking to me, by inundating myself with this sound? Am I selfishly making a “fake” God, an idol of sound, for me to worship? Undoubtedly, it's much easier to become involved with a blaring loud congregation, and to become one with the music... but I don't sing my loudest because of that; I do such acts to hear HIM. I'm not sure what that means.
At any rate, at the moment, I'm enjoying my current religious bliss, and, if anyone who reads this can answer this question, then I suggest you go and help other people, with much more pressing questions. I'm not in a crisis of faith; simply inquiring about my faith.
For His Renown, JHBlancs