Saturday, April 16, 2011

Oreos, Views, and Writer's Block

First, I’d like to bring attention the “reduced fat” Oreo cookie. To the producers of this bastard son of the famous product: what were you thinking? Take the pitch you always used and kill it?!? Have you tried soaking a reduced fat Oreo in milk? You can’t. It’s about as absorbent as a rock and about as hard as one too. FIX THIS. My grandmother buys me those by the truckload, it seems, and I must please her by shoveling them down my throat. After I eat them, I must go back and rehydrate my throat with more milk. It’s worse than sea salt.
Secondly, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed an increase in traffic to my blog. Last week, it broke three hundred views. I have some rocketry forum for promoting my “Georgia Rockets In The Sky” post, though I had a small international flood of secondary traffic. I have a few views from Poland, Greece, Italy, Australia, Denmark, and Brazil. To those six people, I love you more than anyone else on this blog. You crossed the border. To the two people from Japan who looked at my blog, ありがとうございます。.
I don’t currently have any inspiration for a post today; Writer’s block has been known to be the commonly misunderstood cause of suicides in young writers. People don’t look past the angsty exterior to realize the source of the angst: the fact that, at some point, everyone loses the sharp wit they write with. It’s a fact of penmanship that, if you lose your edge for a day, obviously you lose it for a while. I feel like I just lost my edge.
Back on track. Writer’s block occurs when you can’t remember, or can’t think of, a way to continue the story. It’s what happened to Michael Bay during half of his Transformers titles (guess which one had no plot). Today, this phenomenon happens to me.
From the onset of WB, writers experience rage, confusion, befuddled minds, and thoughts of suicide. The fact that they have a pen in hand makes that last symptom much more lethal. The obvious answer is to strap the writer down to their beds until their train re-rails itself. The longer the writer stays free, the longer he or she is volatile to the world.
This has been a public service announcement.
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