Thursday, June 23, 2011

Vacation Bible Brainwashing

First, I want to ask anyone who has the talent to contact me about putting eight or so songs I have onto sheet music. I would like to have them sung at church and other like events.
Second, I talk today on a short topic that many parents will find angering.  I speak out against the brainwashing corruption that is Vacation Bible School. Through the use persistent repetition of the same phrases over and over again, I feel that the children of good-willed parents are being brainwashed to believe in Christianity. Ever since I was in third grade, I tried to botch this program, and was expelled every year for my conspiracy.
Even then I did not sway form my goal; every year since the fifth grade graduation of the institution, I infiltrated the ranks of the compulsors, to attempt to master their ways to better know how to take it down.
I realized the mask of the program was simple: to give parents one week without children. Forget the thing about God and such; that was the bonus of the daycare. The parents just thought it was innocent and pure; I knew different.
Honestly, I am not alone in this conspiracy. This year, as lead speaker for VBS, I related hackneyed expressions from the bible to hackneyed expressions in the culinary industry. Sick clichés mixed with the most banal bible verses to create a monstrosity of a soup. Of course, the only type of chef capable of such evils is Italian.
So, one more day I will subject myself to the position of “brainwasher”. The clichés and terrible songs will continue, a mix of terrible dance style mixed with sign language coming together, making anyone who partakes in the activity feel brought to shame. The arts and crafts, mixed with a lead who’s just too happy to be sane, may kill me.
If I post something in the next week, you’ll know I made it. 

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