Monday, May 7, 2012

Drive By (Shoot Me)

Today, i'm going to relate something to something else. I’ll start with humor, and hopefully end with much the same effect. I'm going to relate the band Train and trying to put out fire with gasoline.

The band Train flew onto my radar with their hit song “Hey Soul Sister”, which I grew annoyed of quickly. Recently, though, the seeming harmlessness of the band's lead vocalist turned sour with their new single, “Drive By.” The song related his love for a particular somebody with:

a “two ply hefty bag of love”,

a drive-by (which my friends all say “oh, it's just meaning to say, he's not just driving by, he's here to stay” – no. When I type in “drive by” on Google, the first four responses are all Train, then the next seven are: 3 drive by shootings, one drive by truckers, something about piracy, and a link to google images, which shows only burnt up vehicles. “drive by” in my book means, to drive by somebody while lighting them up. What am I supposed to think he means by “not a drive by”? He'll stay and make sure you're dead before making his escape?),

a “virus” or a widely popular and public fad that'll soon burn out (thus making his whole song moot) – amongst other things. I’ll digress if I go any further.

The point I’m getting at is, the lead singer forgot to put reality ANYWHERE in his work. I only listened to the first minute and a half before cutting back to something more calming and harmless: Marilyn Manson.

Now, I usually agree with subtle humor in music, and anyone who can throw in a few sexual jokes using such methods is a friend of mine. Let me show you what he put in as a whole half of a verse in his song (along with a critique to the side of each lyric):

Cause you moved to west L.A or New York or Santa Fe (okay, that's somewhat solid, good job listing things, buddy)
Or where ever to get away from me (back up. Try: “Or where ever you said it couldn't be”. Please.)
Oh but that one night (...)
Was more than just right ( uh... dude?)
I didn't leave you cause I was all through (you were all through? What? “i was through with you, so I didn't leave?”)
Oh I was overwhelmed, and frankly scared as hell (apparently she was too, she skipped town!)
Because I really fell for you (and the rest of the song seems a little rape-y)

You see? This guy deserves to be heavily medicated. I mean, I have no idea why his career is going up in flames this brightly. Someone pour gasoline, let's hope he burns brighter. Oh wait, that analogy doesn't work. Oh, my sources tell me he is not, in fact, going up in flames. Well, someone douse him anyway. And use matches.

I do not like Train.

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