Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Many Songs of Christmas (Or, Why My Christmas Spirit will Always be Dead)

Let me tell you what occurred in my car on the way home. While flipping through radio channels, I rested on 104.7, “The Fish”. First words I hear are, “Sir, can I buy these shoes...”
I cannot tell you what I did next, for fear of legal and parental retaliation. Rest assured, my rage was infinite at that moment. When I got home, I was listening to John Lennon, singing Merry Xmas. I thought it was an enjoyable enough song, until I looked it up on YouTube. Here's what I got as the first result.

Rest assured, the weeping African montage did not lighten my mood. I turned on the radio upstairs and listened to the most overplayed Christmas songs on earth. Santa Baby, Have a Holly Jolly Christmas, the First Noel... I could go on, but I wish to keep my sanity in check. While surfing the net, I found myself assaulted by Black Friday, Christmas, Cyber Monday, even a few Hanukah advertisements. Eventually, I logged into my online social gaming, where I was lambasted by my e-friends because I didn't share their Christmas spirit. I feel some pretense is needed to truly explain this.
I never was into Santa. As an inquisitive and curious child, who keeps track of patterns, I realized that there was an inordinately large amount of Santas around. By age six, I was completely disillusioned to Santa, though nobody really knew until two years later.
My family, until I stopped it, would have the Christmas music playing at the start of Thanksgiving at the latest. This is where I began to get disillusioned to Christmas. I also learned to gain a distrust of happy-go-lucky style things, as such aren't to be as great as thought. This isn't to say I didn't enjoy some of them, but if the repetition continues for a month, for ten years, you get tired of it. I would boycott life whenever I heard an annoying Christmas song.
One thing I did, and still do appreciate, are creative ways to celebrate the season. New Christmas songs I enjoy, as do I Christmas Lights. Even seventeen years young, I will yell “I see Christmas” whenever we go by a new string of Christmas lights. As crass as it is, a certain song I cannot repeat by LonelyIsland, about certain appendages in a gift box, which is attached to your hip. Such imaginative songs make Christmas refreshing. Other songs such as this are...yet to be named, but I'm sure they're out there.
Then there are classic Christmas songs, which are classic because they are amazing and have a penchant for being epic. Carol of the Bells is one of these, as is any Christmas hymn (though this one is subject to the overplayed nature of it, and how much it's been changed). I guess when Christmas songs get too annoying is when it gets too patronizing, either in the overwhelming happiness or the undercurrent of depression. For an example of the latter, there is “Do they know it's Christmas 1984” by Band Aid.

I know, after this song finishes abusing your ears, all you wish to do is burn all your liquid assets and donate all your money to oil companies. Don't worry, just go downstairs and leave your oven on as your house's internal heating for a few hours to get back in touch with your wasteful, horrible, worthless life, you evil, evil consumer. Shame. My sources tell me I should not let the prior sentences stay in the post... which I respond with hope that my precious readers keep their valuable breakables well away from their computers.
The rest of Christmas is just annoying. It's become a consumer pit, and the very statement “the true meaning of Christmas” is cliched to the point where saying it instantly garners eye rolling from anybody. This holiday would not be nearly as annoying, if I was not part of the minority on this mindset. Apparently, I am.
Today, I walked into a classroom, which had a Christmas song playing, Carol of the Bells. I like d the arrangement, so I was calm. Then, someone put on Christmas Shoes. It was all I could do to stay sane. Here's the conversation that occurred:

“Can you please turn that off? I don't enjoy it.”
“Oh, but why JHBlancs? It's a classic Christmas song!!! you should enjoy it!!!”
“It's not a classic, it's a depressant. I mean, play something happier, at least.”
*changes to “Baby it's Cold Outside”*
“Nothing. Hey, do you think that window is sturdy?”
“Uh, yeah, it really is, actually.”
After she switched to Chipmunks Christmas song, I made an attempt at the window. Sadly, she was correct about the sturdiness of the window.
I feel the whole of the holiday season's been perverted, and I will have no part of it's merriment. At least, not in the way that most people have. I'll take my Jesus to the corner and be merry with him, without the sounds of Christmas screaming in my ears.
But I cannot even relax with Jesus, knowing it's his birthday. This happens when you were born the day before, the birth of our one Savior and Redeemer sort of casts a shadow and blots your birthday out. On the bright side, I get “double presents” from my parents, though on the downside, I celebrated my 12th - 16th birthday party two Junes ago. I'm not bitter, it's just one more nail in my Christmas Spirit coffin.
By the way, if you are wondering why I was listening to songs I despise, I promised myself I’d spend a day listening to nothing but Christmas songs. And yes, my blood pressure and rage are unthinkably high right now.
And yes, I enjoy being Scrooge here. It's cheaper this way, believe me.  

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