Today, I delve into the strange methods of my mind again, though simply with an observation of a happening with a classmate in the lunchroom.
As I sit down at the lunch table, one of my good friends turns and asks [censored], “Would you rather have JHBlancs or [redacted] sitting at the table next to you?”
Pause, and rewind a bit. I need to provide some background. [redacted] and [censored] used to be very good friends, as far as anyone could know. During the summer, though, they allegedly engaged in a fight over some man, and have since enjoyed a peaceful ignorance of each other. This is complicated by the fact that they both have practically the same friends.
With this in mind, let's hit the play button on the flashback. [censored] thinks for a second, and responds: “Actually, I’d rather have JHBlancs sit next to me. Congratulations J— wait, wait, you're actually HIGHER on the list than someone else? Wow, good job!”
If you know me closely, you'd understand when I say that I cannot tell you what I said next. Rest assured, I was incensed by this. I even left angry, seconds later.
I can honestly say that those words I said, for what is maybe one of the four or five times in my life, were simply made to hurt. I walked away amazed at my action, whether or not it was earned by her words. I don't understand the use of them. If I was trying to achieve some goal, I’d be justified, at any rate. But the words were simply hatred for the sake of hurting.
The reason I do not engage in such speech is that it never leads to peace and kindness. A bitter thing always leads to another bitter thing, and if I go any further in explanation, I risk using cliches. Just know that my further explanation involves the golden rule, something churchy about Jesus, and kittens.
Another thing I cannot stand is when someone puts me above someone else. If it is an award, or something I put my time into, I will accept it with glee, for I take it in the hope that I earned it more than the other people who did not get it. What is worse is when a [censored] puts a [redacted] lower than me as a slight. This is not to say I am offended by being used to hurt someone else, Though I hate how this harms the other person. I am quite content with my station in life as the less popular person, and when someone puts somebody lower than I with their words, I hate it. Not only does this make said [censored] feel like the master of two souls, but it places [redacted] in a location they are not used to. Note that [redacted] was not present at this time.
[censored], though, seems to get her high from doing just that. In anyone in my high school life, I hadn't met someone so grounded in hatred. For most everyone, I would refrain from giving the word “arrogant” to their personality, though I believe she already has it stapled to her, so the point of calling it her own. If saying this puts me on the spot for being arrogant myself, so be it.
Now, as to why she doesn't enjoy my presence, That is mostly my fault, as I usually say things before I have thought them through. True, if I were to speak this post to a crowd impromptu, I would not sound nearly as intelligent. Unfortunately, I have had many, many opportunities to exemplify this to my class.
[censored] may be considered evil to me, though this is not to say I do not see greatness in her. The reasoning behind it escapes me, but she has definitely a great future ahead of her. If you know who [censored] is, please help me understand her. And, not intending to sound weak, I could use some help to get her to stop, for she has done this far too long, and I grow tired of her.
On a lighter note, I'm going to a rocket launch on Saturday, here's the link:
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